twentythree y.o. geographer, barista, yoga practitioner. University College London. born and bred in the lil' island of Singapore. constantly searching for answers. extremely flawed, especially when it comes to imposing standards on others, expecting too much, not knowing when to close her mouth (to shut the fuck up or to stop eating). too crazy for her own good and has to be taken with a massive handful of salt. adores backpacking, hitch-hiking, hill-walking, red wine, whiskey, cocktails, fine food and good conversations.
REMINDER:
"open your heart. someone will come. someone will come for you. but you'd have to open your heart first."
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| Wednesday, October 16, 2013
◔ 7:44 PM // ✎ 0 comment(s) | ❝ "This is going to be really awkward, but I just wanted to clarify something." ❞ |
Finally submitted the first essay of my college life. Thank you Lucas for helping me proof read :) it makes me feel sad though, that despite all the effort I put in the essay is still pretty substandard in my opinion. Sigh, so going to fail college.
Anyways. Came up here because I had updates about my life. This conversation occurred today so I wanted to come up here to write it all down before I forget.
Him: This is going to be really awkward, but I just wanted to clarify something.
Come on, if anyone starts a conversation like that you know you are in for hell. I am amazed though, that he had the guts to do it in real life because I wouldn't.
Him: I just wanted to let you know that that night I was really drunk.
Me: Yeah, I know you were.
Him: And yeah I just broke up with my girlfriend so yeah.
Me: How long ago?
Him: Before I came.
Me: Was it mutual?
Him: I initiated it, she wanted to continue. Now I am still trying to help her get over it.
Me: Don't, because it'd give her false hope. I know how girls think.
Him: Anyways... We have a lot in common like we both love to eat so I will always jio you out to eat with me. And you're nice, so...
Me: I am totally cool about it, don't worry.
Him: Yeah, just wanted to clarify it, not implying anything!
We had pointless conversation about the rain and crashing his car and what not and we reached his hall, and we parted ways and he said "see you soon".
Edit: now that I think about it, I think it was pretty rude of him to say that to me? He seems to be implying that I was acting like I liked him / making a move or something IDE.
The douchebag texts me quite frequently nowadays, probably because he sleeps late and he has no one to talk to. Recently though, I start to see clearer signs that he actually did like me - like he got jealous when I complained to him about guys. I guess at the end of the day it really is too little, too late?
I will always see him as my first love though - the first guy that I liked in three years, and the first guy that I actually asked out (and got rejected). He changed me in more ways than I could ever imagine.
And something that I'd always have in my head when I think of him:
Seeing as a first love is painful, a first love is like a fever
Because after you are mindlessly sick, you become an adult
Because a first love can never be, a first love is lingering attachment
Sorry they don't rhyme though, they are lyrics from Illa Illa (a Korean song, no less hahaha).
And Bessy shared this today, thought this deserved to be here cause it felt like it resonated so much with me:
Eventually something happens to every single person who loves someone
who doesn’t love them back: they manage to stop being in love.
While it takes varying amounts of time, everyone finds their breaking
point, that moment when enough becomes enough. It could be the third
night you cry yourself to sleep, the fifth time they cancel plans with
you to be with someone else, or the eighth night in a row you spend
getting drunk alone. It can take months, or even years. But here’s what
you’ll have once you get there:
After surviving that kind of ache, you’ll be so much stronger, so
much more certain of yourself. You’ll see that all pain (physical,
emotional, and metal) is a temporary state of being, not a permanent
one. There is always a reason to go on, always a reason to fight for
yourself.
You’ll realize that because you are not loved by one does not mean
you are not loved by all. You’ll understand that love cannot be won like
a teddy bear at the fair; cannot be stolen like a rare painting from a
museum in the dead of night. You’ll see that real love comes first from
within, not from anyone else. You learn that those annoying people who
say things like, “real love comes from within” were telling you the
truth this whole time, but you had to learn it for yourself. Don’t worry
– you don’t need to tell them they were right.
Getting over unrequited love feels like having a blindfold removed –
you suddenly see all the love you’ve had in your life this whole time,
and you’ll appreciate those individuals like never before. You will be
humbled, you will be grateful, you will be wiser.
Here’s the best part, though, about getting over someone who doesn’t
love you: you realize that nobody healed your heartache, that you were
able to fix yourself all on your own. And once you’ve proven to yourself
that you can recover from that, you won’t be afraid to go looking for
love again.
(http://thoughtcatalog.com/wes-janisen/2013/08/you-should-fall-for-someone-who-doesnt-love-you/)Labels: college, daily, love, thoughts
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