twentythree y.o. geographer, barista, yoga practitioner. University College London. born and bred in the lil' island of Singapore. constantly searching for answers. extremely flawed, especially when it comes to imposing standards on others, expecting too much, not knowing when to close her mouth (to shut the fuck up or to stop eating). too crazy for her own good and has to be taken with a massive handful of salt. adores backpacking, hitch-hiking, hill-walking, red wine, whiskey, cocktails, fine food and good conversations.
REMINDER:
"open your heart. someone will come. someone will come for you. but you'd have to open your heart first."
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| Monday, January 20, 2014
◔ 12:07 AM // ✎ 0 comment(s) | ❝ Internal TOK burning inside of me. ❞ |
Back here again because I have been doing a lot of reflecting these few days. And I have been reflecting more since my Skype conversation with the best friend :)
1. Am I more elitist than I think I am? Than I initially thought?
It is like sometimes when I am talking to KW I sort of, subconsciously, get irritated when he doesn't understand things that I say and I am like no this is so tiring for me I don't want to explain everything.
When I was complaining about having a massive carb craving one morning and was talking about whether I should indulge in it and he said "DON'T! LATER YOU FALL SICK AGAIN!"
At first I was really confused? But then I later understood that he didn't understand why I was trying to avoid over-indulging in carbs.
Not the only case; just an example. I really shouldn't be irritated at such things, should I? I really should not expect everyone to understand all the stupid things that I do.
Am I unknowingly more elitist than I want to be? Or is it that I am too selfish for my own good and I only think about myself? Food for thought.
2. I just realized that I am really double standard. Does this have roots in my whole issue of selfishness?
When a guy tells me that I should wear a dress I retaliate by doing the whole "ok just because I am a girl doesn't mean that I have to wear a dress like what the fuck I can wear anything I fucking want so whatever screw you and your dresses"
(ok to be fair I actually do really like dresses but just that right now I am not feeling like them? At the moment I am feeling more like the whole shorts and jeans and trousers thing maybe I am having a massive bout of PMS I am not sure)
And I asked why is it that guys like girls in dresses.
And that person replied saying that it's the same way, how girls like guys in suits.
I was thinking at that point in time that it was true? How can I like the idea of guys in suits, but then think that the whole "guys-liking-girls-in-dresses" is an incredulous thing? It then struck me pretty badly that I am less the person that I wish and want to be, and even more flawed than I initially thought I was.
My only consolation, however, is probably the mere fact that I don't actually expect guys to wear suits cause it's painfully troublesome for them and impossible in Singapore.
But then expecting females to wear dresses is a different thing cause dresses are actually really convenient and usually quite comfortable?
I have no idea, I think this is starting to seem a lot like an internal TOK essay burning inside of me.
No I am not rethinking life but I guess I am starting to think more about my behavior and the repercussions of them.
/sorry for boring you
Let me end this with an amazing quote that my yoga teacher told us today:
"No effort is ever wasted"Labels: daily, quotes, random, rants, thoughts
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